A Day Of Reckoning

Yesterday I thought that today would be a real test of my resolve. Having made some new year’s resolutions I would see if I could live up to them in the cold (very cold) light of day.

Today I find that that Fear of the Cold goes together with Fear of Homelessness. Both thoughts were prevalent on the way home last night with all the beggars on the street. CBT took care of these since I had a bed for the night. This morning 3 homeless are out in sub-zero conditions in their sleeping bags. Clearly visible to all.

Whilst at work I think about my mental health:

  • I have concentration problems. Those are real.
  • I also have memory problems. Those are real too.
  • Eek.
  • Could mean I’m on course for being homeless after all.
  • But that’s jumping to conclusions.
  • Don’t worry about it…this is the future

And again:

  • I’m really concerned about by mental health. NOW.
  • I don’t think it’s good enough to keep my job. This may be jumping to conclusions.
  • My strategy for improving my mental health may or may not deliver in time.
  • Eek!
  • This is the mother of Hot Thoughts … in the present
  • I can’t do anything about my mental state NOW.
  • Actually that’s not true. I can do CBT with instant results.
  • The point is I must learn to accept my mental health NOW. CBT is an evolution not a complete rejection.
  • I need to stop rejecting me. I am what I am. Once I’m done with not rejecting me I can think about becoming one in the Buddhist sense.

I’m more interested in WAB than I am work. Shame WAB doesn’t pay as much (anything at all).

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